But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
