I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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