your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
