Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
