Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
