I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if only i could text you this smell
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
