Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
