My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
