plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
