beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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