I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
