Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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