How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
