my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
