i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
