we're blogging at a bar
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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