i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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