i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want her autograph on my taint
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
