do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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