I could have mohawked her pubes.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
