Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Houston, we have a blender
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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