I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
honey bunches of taint.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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