Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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