she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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