happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
