so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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