is your mom at the bar?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Green mimosas i think yes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
