Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
