Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
