She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
