found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
