I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
