I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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