you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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