so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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