someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
