my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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