Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
