Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
