I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
