we're chasing vodka with high fives
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
