Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Small penises have feelings too.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
