I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
