have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
