if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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