it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am full of burrito and curiosity
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
