is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
