I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
