honey bunches of taint.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
