There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
