They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
