Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
